How to Start Fresh This Valentine’s Day

[norafem]

Gina and her husband Craig can’t remember the last time they’ve gone a date. With both of them working and trying to keep the kids’ own lives running smoothly, they rarely have time to spend on each other.

Over breakfast, Gina stares at Craig and doesn’t feel much of anything. She realizes, not for the first time, that there’s no spark. The relationship is stagnant.

At work, Gina’s (male) associate has been suggesting they get together for drinks sometime. Its innocent, right? She can leave work a little early and Craig will never notice.

She can rationalize as having to talk more about a project… but the butterflies in her stomach are signaling something different… the invitation is exciting for her, because it is unpredictable and anything can happen… they can hash out project details, or the conversation can give her a bit of the personal attention and interest she is craving. Finally, someone is looking at her as an exciting female!

Being in love and being on drugs have something in common: the brain is actively engaged in the production of hormones that make us feel excited. As a matter of fact, this is the same mechanism that chocolate uses to make us happy! Is this what she is looking for: the feeling of being loved?

So, do you want more love excitement/dopamine just in time for Valentine day? No need to take a new lover if the life you have with your present partner is comfortable! (Yes, if you were wondering, desiring an affair does mean you need a LOT of relationship repair!)

Here is what you can do: you need to generate in your brain (and your partner’s) the dopamine-producing activity: both of you need to do something together that is completely new for both. This new activity, be it snow shoeing, trekking, ballroom dancing, etc. will provide the challenge to the brain to begin producing the results you expect.

What ways have you achieved excitement in your relationship? What ideas can you come up with to refresh your love?

[Author]

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